Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize