I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
