I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
