I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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