I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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