His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
