i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
