I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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