she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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