Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
