What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
