Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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