How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
