Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bang-toberfest begins!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
