why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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