A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
