I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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