My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
