we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
