She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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