My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize