VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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