just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
