I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
