so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
