Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
