twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
