There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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