I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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