I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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