Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
