I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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