I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
