Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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