Define "chronic" masturbator.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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