it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
