One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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