so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
