I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's the barista slut.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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