careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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