i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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