I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
