somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
