How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
