she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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