I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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