I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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