You smell like stripper and shame
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
