i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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