I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
