i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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