there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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