i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Randomize