I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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