dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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