New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
