Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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