You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
