Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
