went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
