just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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