two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
