My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
