This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
