Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
