Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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