i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
