she woke up with a sticky ear
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
