My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
