okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
