Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
